


try to romance your life (hidden in your notes app)

by cowboysapnap



Series: alone at the edge of a universe (humming a tune) [6]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, But i promise its nice, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Of Younger Brothers and Longer Night, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), but not really, three plus one thing, weird premise, well as nice as angst can be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:47:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboysapnap/pseuds/cowboysapnap
Summary: the three times tommy tried to find a different point of view in his life by writing about it in his notes app.
Relationships: TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone
Series: alone at the edge of a universe (humming a tune) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016029
Comments: 14
Kudos: 134





	try to romance your life (hidden in your notes app)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lillian_nator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillian_nator/gifts).
  * Inspired by ["Where is My Mind"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27155905) by [Lillian_nator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillian_nator/pseuds/Lillian_nator). 



> author’s note: this is inspired by lillian’s ylbn au!! This is brain rot i've had for a while, and is set in tommy’s senior year. So if it doesn't feel like it fits canon dont worry :) it doesn’t really.

Tommy remembers the night before Dream left- remembers how Dream talked and moved and smiled and laughed, but mainly remembered what Dream had told him. 

“Hey, when you’re a senior- i want you to have something like this, okay? Don’t be fucking antisocial- live. It’ll be your senior year. don’t waste it.” 

Tommy is now a senior. Supposedly the king of highschool. Soccer captain, popular, tall, funny- whatever else other people come up with. Tommy is a senior, and he doesn’t have it. Tubbo works at the coffee shop- Purpled is doing an engineering internship- and he’s happy for them he really is, he promises but-

It’s not the same.

People say that your senior year is the highlight of your youth- and it really doesn’t feel like it. So Tommy gets in his old, disastrous, beautiful car named Clementine, and drives. 

Tommy lives in the middle of small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere. It’s not hard to just leave. It’s not hard to let go of whatever you had there, your friends, your family, your memories, and just go. Tommy wished it was his time to go. To go and never come back to the place where everyone’s left him behind- but it’s not, because he still has to come home before ten am tomorrow, and he still has to show up to school, and he still has to pretend that every single millisecond of being in that town is drowning him. 

So Tommy drives. just for a little while, just till he’s in a different bum-fuck-middle-of-nowhere. One that’s got a public beach that nobody’s at because it’s the middle of november and forty degrees out- and then he stops. And he sits in the sand. And he listens to the sounds the waves make when they crash into the shore. And he breathes. And then he gets back up, and he gets back in his car- because he still has curfew and he still has homework. And he still has people he needs to reassure that he isn’t falling apart on the inside.

\--

Tommy was alone when it first happened. The thought just crossed his mind- a meaningless moment tossed into his lap and just as quickly was tossed away.Just- "what if you left?" a singular second- and then the thought was gone. Tommy shouldn't- Tommy wouldn't- Tommy couldn't. It wasn't- It wasn't possible.

The second time it happened it stayed a while. Late at night- after hanging out with the squad. And it was good- right? It was good. It was good. It was good. It was all good. But just a little fantasy- just a little dream about what life would be like if he was gone- on the road, all alone. Maybe it would be better. Better than good. Better than whatever this is. Because maybe it would be better if nobody could see him or talk to him, or if no one could look at his actions and yell at him or be disappointed in him or hate him for it- maybe it could be better. but then again it would be worse. Right? It would be worse. It would always be worse.

The third and fourth and fifth and every other time were like the second. A nice dream- a nice thought- a fantasy that wasn't real, but it was always there. Living in the back of his head like lichens spreading across his mind- pretty and lovely but not necessary not real not substantial. The last time it was a fantasy was the time it came true. When tommy got in the car and didn't stop driving and didn't stop moving and didn't come back. The window down the air in his face, it was November and thirty degrees out and the wind hurt his ears and his lungs felt like they were being stabbed with ice every time he took a breath but this time- this time it was real. 

This time nobody was looking at him or talking to him or hearing him. this time it was just Tommy- just Tommy who could live with himself (maybe) just tommy who could handle it. 

Tommy knew he could live by himself because he had been living by himself- the past few months it had just felt like Tommy was a ghost. Maybe alone he could feel corporeal again.

\--

Techno was the smartest. Doesn’t matter how you define smart- because whatever your personal definition was, everyone thought that techno was the smartest. Everyone called Techno the smartest and everyone knew Techno was the smartest. He was the smart one, and that was okay. 

Phil was kindest. Didn’t matter that some days he made his family choke- didn’t matter that he was flip flopping between selfless and selfish every other minute- didn’t matter what you thought was kindness. Everyone called Phil the kindest- so Phil was the kindest. 

Wilbur was the best. The most well rounded- so the best? The most popular, the most handsome, the most talented, the most fun, the most cool, the most entrancing. Wilbur was a jack of all trades- a man of many hats if you will. Wilbur didn’t have a “title” like his brothers- if you met Wilbur you just knew. He was the most lovable that way. 

And Tommy was the youngest. When Tommy was even younger- that was it. He was just the youngest. When he got older and saw how his brother Techno was regarded as smart and Phil was regarded as kind and Wilbur was regarded as just the best- Tommy decided maybe he should try to do something. maybe he should try to be a little louder- maybe he could be the funny one? maybe he could be the sporty one? maybe he could-

But it didn’t work well. Tommy stopped being the youngest and started being the most annoying, the most irritating, the most rebellious, the most infuriating- nobody looked at Tommy and saw something good when compared to his brothers. Tommy has spent half his life being meaningless in the eyes of everyone else and the other half being the worst. 

And everyone tells you- don’t worry about what other people say! Don’t listen to them! Other people’s opinions don’t matter! But they do! They do and that’s the worst part. Because no matter who you are and what you’re like you’ll still get a label. You’ll still be the funny one or the smart one or the kind one or the talented one-

It’s how the world works! So why try to pretend it doesn’t work that way


End file.
